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New Year's Resolutions for Dogs

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

2. I'll remember that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

6. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

10. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

11. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

12. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

13. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

14. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

15. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.